how do we say goodbye...put things in place, mentally and emotionally..........
Parents gone..but the house didn’t sell right away and I almost stood there in defiance, sort of keeping me feeling like they were still here... even as i know they were not......
but.. the house sold, tomorrow is closing .... and we (mostly me) had four weeks to empty, go through things.. get an estate sale done, fix anything and get out....... i was ready for this. it’s time. closure is needed... life goes on....and for the most part i have worked hard and with a good attitude and spirit, but also really learning about death, grieving..letting go... frailty ....... but more so about the meaning of life.. a life well- lived.. our lives.. sounds very trite.. it’s true...
it’s not the loss of a house..it’s just a house, or even my parents... it’s looking through years of things... objects. clothing, dinnerware, music, books,photos, letters, art..... things you remember so clearly from babyhood.. through adulthood... it’s like a film screening through the generations...... memories shared... history... that is what is passing..and is so very profound.... you hold on to what you remember, but shared memories are much richer.... because we hold onto different pieces of the story and they complete the picture..
i guess thats one of the reasons i am passionate about photography... to document.. to remind us.. i can go back from when i started to shoot images... to now .. and i can see the history, remember the anectodal histories....my own progression.......
i feel a bit sad today.. tomorrow is the day. but i am also ready.. the ending of an era...
i often wonder if some of the belongings, given, thrown away, images , there were 1000’s .. have about twenty boxes to go through.. but some are being thrown out...... will the end up in the flea markets i go to... the same kinds of things i look through and wonder about who they belonged to
i have so so much to be grateful for and I AM and im looking to today, tomorrow... and the future.....a new part of my life that has yet to be lived ..
so i say goodbye house.. parents.. last place of residence.. i will see you in my heart and mind as i already do... and as long as i , my brothers and your grandchildren live.. you will be alive through us....I love you and i hope we make you proud
