driving down the highway.. tears running incessantly down my cheeks... why? Sure im going to Sloan Kettering Cancer Hospital for my first official check up after finishing IV treatment in May.....
but i’m the lucky one. Chemo over.. check.. Radiation over... check... Herceptin IV for a year... over... check... now just on an oral medicine for several years........
but it’s the memory... the feeling of being imprisoned by the dates and sessions for so long. sucked into the vortex of the hospital that is so familiar, like the inside of your home.. the carpet.. the furniture.. the smell... and then being surrounded by so many breast cancer patients at different stages of treatment.. losing hair... bald.. wigs.. scarves..hats......and those like me sporting a new short hair style..... growing in..
we look at each other...checking each other out.... the way i did when i first entered with a full thick head of long hair... imaginging myself always at the stage just ahead of me.. but always noticing the “one" with hair growing back and thinking how lucky they were.. done with treatment.. have hair. and re-entering a life absent of cancer....and everything that goes with it..
But Guess what? That is NOW ME! i made it through.. i’ll always have one eye looking over my shoulder ,but i’m so grateful for the lessons learned from this experience.. a game changer for me.... understanding time is of the essence.. the Now.. the being present.. for self. for others... making that known.. my heart bigger than ever....
the tears were a cleansing... like the spring rains.. fertile ground for fresh new growth
