I've been feeling unsetted for a long time.. i know where my home is.. where i keep all my belongings and beloved collections..I have a great air b n b where i love to host.....i meet so many great, dynamic people.. but they come and go ....... and since the pandemic ....so do i....
i've vascillated between NY and Sonoma County, California for the better part of two and a half years.. with one or two intermittent short trips..(maine and the southwest)...... and i'm always happy to come home...... want to.....my bed.. my space ..that reaks Nina......... but then at the same time i just feel disconnected, ...... like i don't really belong anywhere.. and yet while that is not entirely true, it is how i feel.. do any of you ever feel that way?
i keep saying i'm nomadic, when people comment on my comings and goings..... it’s really mostly NY/CA( to be with my son....but also, i'm just restless.. like im searching to find that time or place where i say..finally, i am where i'm supposed to be and i feel good...
i do think in part it is because i'm single. i deal with life on my own accord.........make all the decisions... no one to balance the responsibilities with me...........11 years ago i separated from my husband after a long 27 year marriage together.. i've accomplished many things.... .found my inner strength and know i am more capable than i ever gave myself credit for... . but now as i'm getting older...... i feel slightly adrift..... where do i belong?. what or who am i looking for?.. what do i want?.........what dreams or desires do i want to make happen?
i love my friends.. my family.. i feel deeply committed to all of them. would drop anything if needed............but i feel like a lone star....
today it made me think a lot about the word nomad and what it means to be nomadic... and the time i spent in Morocco.. especially the Moroccan Sahara where i spent many days visiting nomadic communities... and taking photos...... i mostly spent my time with the women...
this place among others- some new, some old.. i have a deep connection with, an other worldly feeling.. bonding... and i feel the desire to finish or continue what i began some years ago....... but it's all about memories.. desires...
not sure about the rest of you , especially those in my age group...... i'm older than i feel... 64 are you kidding me????.ill be ready for medicare next year??? what????? . i know i'm still in my 40s right??? of course i am... i'm young and tenacious. a lot of good energy and love to go around.. but i realize our bodies will not always keep up with our minds..... and i feel like i'm at a time where i’m reckoning with what was.... what is.... and what will be......
photography has been one of the biggest gifts in my life.. the language i speak without having to think in advance about what i'm trying to say... it’s inherently a part of me.. and provided me with so much of my spirit.. and it is here where i know i will fine some more of me and whatever this dis//// ease i'm feeling.....
maybe in these spaces of the unknowing are the biggest spurts of growth and understanding........
Here are two nomadic jewels....i spent the afternoon with......
